dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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