If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
