i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
