How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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