he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
