You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The uberlube is also flammable
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
