your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
