What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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