Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
