why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
