Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
