im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
