Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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