I just threw up on my dentist
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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