im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
