i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I looked at my own cervix.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
