I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
