He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
