It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
