Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
