plz talk dirty to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
