Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The air was thick with penises
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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