i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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