Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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