he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Houston, we have a blender
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
