i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
