There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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