Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My feet surprised me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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