YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
