I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
