im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
