There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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