So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
