one word: firstdatebathroomanal
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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