dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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