LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They have beer where we have blood.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
