Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
