He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
