Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
