Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
