I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
