when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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