Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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