so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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