Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
