that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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