This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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