Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
