And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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