I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
