My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
