And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
