so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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