A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
