32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
