There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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