You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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